Dear groom’s sister,

I know exactly how you are feeling. I hope this experience from my brother’s wedding gives you a broader perspective, and calms your mind.

It was right after my brother’s engagement (back in 2022) that a weird pressure began to grow in the pit of my stomach. Someone had an opinion about what I wore on his engagement.

Big deal! That would be my usual reaction. But this time, before I knew it, I found myself overthinking on the D-Day dress.

So at first, I took the easy way out. Let me get a nice dress custom- made, if it turns out good, I will ask the rest of my sisters to wear the same combination in the same fabric.

I had ‘designed’ that dress myself – meaning took some ideas from Pinterest – put them together, threw it on one design, and created something unoriginal. I even requested an illustrator friend of mine to properly put the design in a professional sketch. And boy he did a fab job.

Wanna see?

To tell you the truth, this was just a slightly different version of a dress I wore it to my cousin’s wedding back in 2018.

But, But, But. There’s always one, isn’t there? I chose the wrong fabric, and when I wore it, Abhishek (my brother) wasn’t too sure. Normally, I would have never gone to Abhishek (or anyone) to get an opinion on a dress. But it was his wedding, and I thought he had a say. NOPE, not this one – he told me.

My sister-in-law Esther assured me that I had several other occasions to wear that dress. That was little consolation. I had put so much time and energy into it. In addition, I had bought extra cloth material for the rest of my cousins too, that too was wasted. Sure enough, I ended up wearing it on my birthday. “It looks like Alladin’s Jasmine,” a friend did not hold back. LOL!!!!!!

It’s not YOUR wedding

I re-began my search for the ultimate D-Day dress. I was also concious of not spending too much, because it wasn’t MY wedding. In India, it is harder to find Western under-stated gowns within your budget. They just ‘Indianise’ the gowns, and I hate that. It was a Christian wedding and I was not going to compromise it.

The only gowns that I truly loved were from an American site called ASOS. But there was expensive customs duty to be paid. A friend of mine was going to the US and coming back two months before the wedding. It was perfect. She agreed to get the dress deliverd to her mother’s home back in the US, so she could bring it back. She was a God-sent.

When I learnt that our groomsmen were wearing navy blue, I chose a royal blue gown from ASOS, just to blend in. In my desperation, I also bought royal blue (well almost royal blue) fabric for my sisters so they could match the colour palette too. When the dress came, I was less than excited to show it to Abhishek. I just wasn’t sure yet. The fabric though, Italian Georgette, felt fabulous. I tried it on and showed it to Abhishek who was like – Wow! Now that’s more like you!

This was the dress I bought –

I designed a Sister Catalogue on Canva (ChatGPT hadn’t happened yet), and sent it along with the fabric to all my cousin sisters.

Meanwhile, one after another, my cousins opted out of the wedding due to jobs or exams. So another huge piece of fabric went to waste. Only Shakina got it stitched according to the picture, yet, it didn’t look that great.

By then, I had become so frustrated with the local tailors and the stress that I made a bold decision: let everyone wear what they like. Yet, Shakina knew how much I wanted all the sisters to have a dress code. She fished for royal blue gowns all over Pune and managed to find a velvet one that beautifully fit her. Y’all, this is how we looked on the most important day of my brother’s life:

The best part was, we all followed the groomsmen dress code and the entire Groom’s Party ended up wearing Navy/Royal blue (except Mom because she was like –It’s my son’s birthday, I will wear what I like…ummmm okay!)

Other Functions, Other Dresses

Thanks to a dear friend Prachi, I found Ayushi (who goes by the name Glamorous_withoutguilt on Instagram), a talented designer. She had done a fabulous job with my ‘Jasmine’ dress, so I became bolder in the design department (aka stealing more complicated designs from Pinterest mood boards). For the Thanksgiving-cum-rehearsal dinner, I chose this skirt design-

But I had a specific colour palette in mind. I wanted to wear a baby pink and fuchsia pink. Now, I was already spending a substantial amount on it, I first decided to wear it for an awards function in Delhi. This was how it looked like-

But for the actual rehearsal dinner, I spiced it up a bit –

But my favourite look remains the one I wore for the wedding reception-

Savour What’s Important

Thank God that I truly and completely was in the moment when Dad and I walked the aisle hand in hand leading the groom’s party. I was conscious that this was a privilege, an absolute blessing. I may have counted each step (also due to nervousness). Little did I know that it was the only time I would ever walk the aisle on earth with Dad .

I still look at this picture sometimes and smile. I will never forget how enthusiastically Dad got this navy blue suit stitched. He was so excited to follow the groom’s party dress code. And how happy and amazing he looked! I wore a silver bracelet with blue crystals that Dad had gifted me that year for my birthday. I still have it , and I still wear it from time to time, reminding myself how privileged I am to have had a father like him.

My fellow groom’s sister, I even ended up catching the bridal bouquet!!!!!

So I urge you to count, savour, breathe! Good news is -it’s not your wedding. Not yet! Enjoy the small things with your family as you prep for your brother’s big day. Straighten your father’s tie or your mother’s saree plates, hype up your sister-in-law before your whole family, prepare a special welcome for her and make her comfortable, laugh a lot while wrapping gifts, encourage and pray for the couple, don’t give in to gossip but know that more than your dress, or make-up or jewellery is this moment – an exclusive opportunity, a privilege that’s been given to you – to be the groom’s sister. That’s what would matter in the long run. Get your dream dress designed, but build your relationships too creatively.

PS: The Parable of the 10 Virgins

Jesus (Matthew 25:1-13) tells an interesting parable of the 10 virgins. Jesus compares the kingdom of heaven (eternity that believers would spend) with 10 virgins who took their lamps and went to meet the bridegroom. Five of those virgins did not keep a spare oil for their lamps, but the other five took flasks of oil with their lamps. As the bridegroom was delayed, the first lot became drowsy and slept. When he finally arrived, the other wiser lot rose and trimmed their lamps. The first lot, went out to buy more oil in the market but could not return on time while the wiser virgins were ready and went with the bridegroom inside the marriage feast hall. After a while, the door was shut and the foolish virgins knocked. But the groom answered, “Truly, I say to you, I do not know you.” Jesus then warns, “Watch therefore, for you know neither the day nor the hour.”

It may sound like a cruel thing to do. But Jesus was practically trying to save souls.

The bridegroom is Jesus Himself who would one day return to take those who believe in Him to an eternal realm. He is holy, and just and righteous, He is blameless who died for the sins of the world. Before He could die for the world, He had to bring people to repentance lest his sacrifice go in vain. This is why Jesus shared this parable and urged people to be prepared. What does this preparation look like? It’s simpler than we think. We need to put our faith in Jesus, and consider Him to be the bridegroom – the most important person in the wedding. We need to repent.

We think we have time until then, but we don’t. We live our lives as if we have many years ahead of us. We don’t mend our ways, or better still, think about the eternity of our soul. We don’t live like we are prepared for the groom. We don’t think long-term, we don’t ponder over what’s more important.

The time is now. We must ask some questions. What’s the meaning of life? Where would I go after I die? What’s the final destination of my soul? Am I the wise virgin or the foolish one? Who is the way, the truth, and the life? There’s only one true answer for all these questions. Jesus Christ.